Phrase of the Day #25 – ‘Free Food Fraud’

The Phrase of the Day #25 for Friday, June 22nd, 2012 is:

‘Free Food Fraud’

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Why?

I was motivated to write this from a post on John the Aussie’s blog:

http://sleepinginsomniacs.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/dumb-chef-the-special-of-the-day-is-comedy/

Now, I’ve worked at various food services places in my life. Hell, I’ve even owned a gourmet restaurant and pizza place once upon a time. (But that’s a story for another blog.)

People will lie their asses off to get free food. I’m thoughtfully convinced that over 90% of customer service complaints in the food industry are related to the customer’s desire to defraud the restaurant and get a free meal or reduced pricing. Why? Because a large portion of the population are cheap, lying, fraudulent asshats, that’s why. They’ve been raised to be this way, and they don’t disappoint.

Let’s turn back the wheel of time almost 20 years when I was working at the hamburger joint called Wendy’s. This particular Wendy’s no longer exists either, as they expanded the highway and an off-ramp now exists where the restaurant once stood.

Customer: “I just came through the drive through and there is mayo on my burger. I specifically said ‘no mayo’.”

Me: “How long ago did you come through the drive through?”

Customer: “About 30 minutes ago.”

Me: “Ok, give me the sandwich and I’ll make a fresh one for you.”

Customer hands me a crumpled up wrapper with one bite left in it.

Me: “What’s this?”

Customer: “It’s the sandwich.”

Me: “There is only one bite left. I thought you said you didn’t like mayo.”

Customer: “I don’t.”

Me: “But you ate nearly the entire sandwich!”

Customer: “Well… I scraped off the mayo. I was hungry. I demand a new sandwich!”

Me: (looking at the mangled remains of the sandwich.) “Sir, there was never any mayo on this sandwich.”

Customer: “Yes there was! I scraped it off into the bag!”

Me: (looking at the bag.) “Sir, there is no mayo in the bag.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I demand to see the manager!”

Me: “Sure thing sir. Just one moment.” (You lying prick)

(Manager replaces the entire sandwich, even though they knew the man was lying out his ass.)

Manager: “There you go sir, sorry for the delay. Have a nice day.”

‘Customer’ leaves and picks up a few packets of mayo on the way out. At this point I’m about ready to jump over the counter and beat this lying prick down.

Me: “You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Did you just see that?”

Manager: “See what?”

Me: “Oh my God….”

Manager: ”…”

Me: “You know you are enabling this kind of behavior right? This moron will be back in a few days doing the exact same thing.”

Manager: “We are here to serve our customers.”

Me: “Look it up, it’s called fraud.”

Manager: “It’s called good customer service.”

Me: “Customer service is about giving service to customers for legitimate reasons. Giving away free food to someone you know is lying to you… what they are doing is called fraud, and you are supporting it and encouraging it to continue.”

Manager: “The customer is always right…”

Me: “You’re an idiot. This is why the District Manager is on your ass all the time about this location constantly losing money even though our sales are high and we all work our asses off. Some poor bastard that you’ve made pull a double shift and who hasn’t had a break in six hours, eats a french fry or nugget and you fire them, but then you give away free food 10 times a day to morons like this. There’s a special place in hell for people as dumb as you.”

Manager: “…”

Manager: “I should write you up for that.”

Me: “Go ahead and do it. I triple dog dare ya! I’ll have a nice talk with the District Manager, who already isn’t a very big fan of yours due to your utter incompetence, and we’ll see who comes out of this without a job.”

Manager: “…”

And no, I never got fired from that place. I tried like hell, but they wouldn’t do it. I was too valuable, as I could run every station and basically open and close the store by myself. Finally I ended up quitting after being passed over for a new management position when the incompetent Store Manager made their pet idiot and sycophant into the new Assistant Manager.

The good news is the District Manager fired the Store Manager and Assistant Store Manager a few months later for running the store at a loss. A few years later, they razed the store to the ground and expanded the highway, and now an off-ramp sits where burgers were once flipped.

The End.